Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
