I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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