I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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