Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
