YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
