Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
