Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
