Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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