i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Randomize
