Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can I color on your dick again?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
