Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
