I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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