I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
