Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
