he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
