Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
