Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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