I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
