im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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