we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
