You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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