What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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