Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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