It was confusing and full of hummus
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
