I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
