Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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