remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
