Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
