Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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