his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
