Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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