so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
