I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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