Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
