John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
