well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
