Umm I'm too high to move.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
