I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
