I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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