So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
