if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
