I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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