ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
