Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
