No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
