he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I want a musical about memes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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