So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She's the barista slut.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
