Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
