glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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