i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
