we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
whose parrot is this?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
