people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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