then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
