we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
