Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
