make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
