their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
