He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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