I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
