Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Congratulations! We have a period
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